allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
