I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
