We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
