Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
