I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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