hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
