What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
