the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
