I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
