Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
