it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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