Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
