I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
