Sponge bath it is.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
