i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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