I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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