I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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