She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
