Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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