Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
