He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
