I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
