is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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