I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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