so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
