is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
