I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
