So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
