for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
