Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sober January is a disaster.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
