CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
