exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
two words: eviction party
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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