My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
