Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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