i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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