Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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