i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
