I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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