I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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