we made out on top of his cat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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