At least make sure they are 18
Why
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
