waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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