This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh god it's open bar.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
