I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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