How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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