she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
