I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
do herpes really smell.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
