my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
