i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
