toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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